There are people who we know from others. They are not friends but friends of friends. Though we do not get a chance to connect with these people, we feel we know them.
Someone I ‘knew’ recently left our world for his last travel. He was my age. Young, if I may say so. He left behind his wife, parents and many well wishers.
The news of his death came as a shock. Within a couple of hours, acquaintances wanted to know if this was true. Such things often turn out to be true. It was true that he was ready to come back home after a treatment and was recuperating. But as fate would have it, he could never make it back to the world. That morning, he left his family behind. Grieving. Crash carts, defibs and life support, nothing could bring him back.
A week today and my mind still goes back to his wife and her loss. This is not a new perspective but how many times are we consciously aware of the fact that our lives are so fragile? Here today and gone tomorrow. We fret over little things, curse traffic, spend time on social media admiring someone else’s life. Conveniently missing and focusing on our own lives. Not living in what they call is ‘a gift’, the present.
It’s hard to tame thoughts and this side I am finding uncanny similarities. That like them, we have a life here in Bangalore when all our folks are up North. Just the two of us in this city and how our lives revolve around each other. It’s work, home and the cycle continues. To break the pattern, we travel and explore new places. The age bracket and that we are now growing old together. Exactly how they appeared to the world.
Imagining days without the other person feels scary. A fulfilling job feels transient and a relationship is what we start depending on. Other interests, hobbies and the life beyond is easy to talk but hard to fathom without the significant other. In between life and death, we are trapped. Attached and emotionally dependent on folks we love.
Then my mind runs to if-it-were-me and would I have any regrets. May be yes and may be not. I am living a life of my choice and with the person I want. There are things I do and don’t do. I would want more time together but I don’t have a control. I can still choose how I react today on little things or how can I focus on what matters to us.
When we experience a tragedy through others, it hits home. Things that we know but choose to ignore, start looking into our eyes. This particular death has shaken me and got me closer to the reality. I don’t want to waste my time doing things that don’t matter. The trivial stuff that wouldn’t matter. All that matters is love and the time we have together. In the end, we hold memories in our hearts and it’s only fair that we make good ones.
Writing for Yeah Write #348 this week.
happiness and food 
Yes, life is fragile and we need to know that, and make the most of what we have-each in our unique way.
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Something like puts life in perspective, isn’t it? Makes us wonder whether we’re leading the life we want for ourselves or are we just too caught up in the routine to even notice whether we are truly happy.
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Just what I needed to hear after I lost an injured pup I was tending to, this morning.
Life has no guarantees and it’s upto us to make the best of what we have.
Beautiful, though provoking post Parul. Hugs❤️
https://natashamusing.com/2017/12/turning-one-mondaymusings/
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Well said, Parul. Two months ago I heard a tragedy happened to one of my good friends from college and it left with me similar thoughts. Anything could happen any moment. Our life is a luxury, a blessing. And we need to treat it that way instead of dwelling on matters that don’t matter. Remembering this kind of gives me enough strength to get by even on the hardest day. Thought provoking post, Parul.
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I know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately ackose relative went through this and it’s so saddening! You are right, it hits us like no other.
I’m with you at not wasting time, on stuff taht doesn’t really matter! Yet I can worry 😦
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The death of someone we know, however remotely connected we are to them, has a way of pushing us to examine our existence, no? Perhaps it’s a recognition of how fragile and fleeting our lives are. Perhaps it’s a fear of our own mortality.
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I totally get you. Such incidents shake you up and make you focus on the most important things in life. When I read about someone dying young or a child being hurt, it hurts me to the core. As a wife and a mother, these hit home in the worst possible way. While we can’t live our life worrying about what may happen tomorrow, it is important that we are more grateful for what we have and focus on the love that surrounds us.
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Unfortunately sometimes it takes the death of another to force us to appreciate the life that we’re living while we still have it. I like the depth of the statements you’ve made here, and that you seem to truly want your reader to treasure their moments, not to preach at them that they should.
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Your title is perfect for this piece. Experiences like this do bring us to examine our own mortality and that if those we love. I wish you a long and happy life.
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I know what you mean. A year back one of my college mates lost her husband suddenly. She has a child as old as M. It’s scary and that shook me. You are right, all that matters in the now and the love. We should focus on that and make the most of the time we have together.
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Life is a precious gift. We should treasure it, enjoy it, share it, make it count for something. By extension we should treasure others as well. Knowing these truths can help us make them a reality. Then perhaps we won’t have regrets, but warm memories or to be remembered with fondness.
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Your thoughts are well written. I agree, all that matters is love and the time we have together.
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Our lives are so fragile, Parul. Like you, I too came to similar thoughts when I heard about a tragedy that befell one of our very close family friends recently. A brilliant Oncologist, in his early-fifties, who performed more than 6000 surgeries to cure his patients lost his own life to it. We were neighbours in Kohima! We must learn to accept the uncertainties of life because that is the only constant!
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Very true Parul, agree with every word you spoke here… last sunday my third brother expired leaving his wife and a daughter who just started working after her degree, and on the same day, a student committed suicide – both the events were sad and I was disturbed and shaken- made me look at life at close quarters to see, what else is there for me to accomplish, and relook at whatever is happening in my life, in order to enhance the quality of my life…. in a way that motivated me to be a little more, kind, a little more giving, compassionate and generous with what I have been blessed with… every death is a reminder that the earth is a temporary place and in the journey of life, we never know when our station will come:)
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Death unlike birth affects us all deeply especially when the person is young. A fleeting acquaintance is often dearly missed simply because one feels that one could have perhaps got to know him better. Or ? Life is too short for regrets and we all come with our destinies. I hope those grieving for him find the strength to face these difficult times. May his soul rest in peace.
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How true, Parul!
It’s only when Life shows its true colours to someone else, do we realise the kind of power Life has over us, and how we underestimate it, take it for granted!
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Strange how life comes around, eh? Death is inevitable. We all know that. But it’s the unexpected nature of death that catches us unawares and makes us wonder if it’s all worth it- all the pettiness, the comparison. We all go through it, Parul. Some of us forget more easily. Others remember and use it as a way to find meaning in their lives. I feel terrible for the young woman he’s left behind. Some things aren’t easy.
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Sadly, nothing like tragedy to wake you up and make you look at life closer. I hope he is at peace now although my heart goes out to his wife and family.
Life is very fragile and you said it right, it is only fair to make good memories. Maybe we need to learn how to let go of the ones that don’t matter or cause pain.
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When someone’s life is cut short so early, it’s always a shock to every one. So tragic for the family.
I like what you say about making life meaningful every day. That’s all that matters in the end, doesn’t it?
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Sad to hear the news .
I believe that nothing is in hands. Everything is destined. We are puppets in the hands of God or Time . Whatever is to happen ,will happen.
But human nature is so strange that even knowing the philosophy of life, death , present ,past , future ,it’s all for a short period . Again ppl do whatever they wish may be good or bad or criticism or whatever.
But I loved your thoughtful message and way of expression. .
Be brave and accept the challenges of life and live as u are living .
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So true..how we waste our time comparing it to others when we should be living it to the fullest. I have seen too many deaths and yet I have not learnt my lesson.. life and death are the only truth rest is just illusion. My condolences to the family of the man.
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Life wears us down so much that we forget to appreciate its beauty and also of those that make it beautiful for us.Its sad but true that someone else’s death brings us closer to our own life.
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This is the kind of thing that’s on my mind a lot, lately. I think you hit a really important note, though: choosing how to respond is one of the few things we can control.
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This is so hard and it doesn’t get any easier as you get older and start losing more people you are close to. You are right in that all we can really do is live each day to the fullest and hope for the best!
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Profound. Death of someone close or that of a young one leaves one with such thoughts. It makes us see life from a different perspective, making us question the futility of most of the things we do or encounter. May God give strength to the grieving family.
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Very thoughtful. It’s so true that we choose to ignore inconvenient truths about our lives.
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I really felt this particular statement the hardest, Parul. “We fret over little things, curse traffic, spend time on social media admiring someone else’s life. Conveniently missing and focusing on our own lives. Not living in what they call is ‘a gift’, the present.” Fear of missing out can take up so much time that we actually… miss out.
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It’s so true. It always takes a death to make us remember that there’s a lot of life we should be living ourselves. This was well said here. Beautiful work, Parul.
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Your last paragraph. This made it for me. Great job. Thanks so much for sharing.
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Totally agree with you…..
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Yes… One get lost in “Trivial Things” and ignore the more important ones… “The Living Beings””
Some reminders come the hard way….. Feelings for the one who has lost somebody…
Also, request to you, don’t let this feeling left in space…. Do become a more caring person from now onwards…..
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It really does hit home, you’re right!
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May most — if not all — of your memories be good ones (!) xoxo
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Events like these do make a strong impact on our minds. But we don’t have any control over these. I think life is meant for us to move on. I have lost few friends of my age to untimely death. We grew up together and all I have now is happy memories. That’s life!
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These things do shake us. I wish I could hold this mindful present-ness always close in hand, but it slips away. I try and create little tricks to remind myself. Little mental pinches that tell me, “pick up your head.” “Look about you in wonder.” “Express your gratitude.” These pinches help, but I too have these lightening bolt reminders that come from unexpected tragedy. The fruits of these terrible things, if any good can be said to come of them, are thoughts like yours. Let’s live while we live.
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Everyone has their own ways of viewing death and dealing with it. Sometimes we act as if it cannot happen to us, and think the only way we would die is by some unnatural act. As individuals we look at death as some unnatural act sometimes, that we could never die although in the depths of our minds we know that we will die someday by some reason whether it be an illness, old age, or whatever. Society has similar views and even promote the views of trying to avoid death. We can never avoid death or find a cure for it. Instead we must face our fears and understand that everyone will die at some point no matter what we do or how hard we try to not allow it. Death is one of those things in life that we cannot change, avoid or stop.
Cheers!
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Yes Parul. You have spoken your heart out here. Very recently I came to know about the sudden demise of my junior friend’s husband. It left me in shock. It made me think and not think too. It left me scarred and scared. What is life really about?
The memories are all that will last and that’s all we can make, right? Death generally creates a void that nothing else can ever do. And I think it is like this dementor. It sucks out every little hope we have. It takes us the time to think back to our happy moments and feel blessed, though we know we will meet it some day.
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