Four years ago, I attended a Wikipedia editing event for the India LGBTQI community. That Sunday, a bunch of volunteers got together to generate online content for the community that has been far from represented.
The event happens every June and we call it Wiki Loves Pride. Many supporters and people who identify themselves as a part of the growing community get together to edit Wikipedia.
I learnt a few things that day and I continue to discover new things.
Human anatomy. Whether you are a male or female, your gender is decided at birth. We live in a world where we congratulate by saying, ‘”you daughter is a princess or your son is charming prince.” To parents, gender is binary. Stores adorn aisles in pink for girls and in blue for little boys. Things are changing but we are all guilty of buying dolls for girls and trucks for boys.
Cisgender. A term for people whose gender identity matches the sex that they were assigned at birth. For example, I was born a female and that’s how I identify myself. There are people who could be male or female (by anatomy) and they don’t identify with the gender they are born with. The society including their parents tell them that they are a woman or a man. But so what? Does it make them a man or a woman? Why should others decide it for them?
Gender neutral pronouns. ‘They’ is an acceptable gender neutral pronoun. Why say ‘she’ when you don’t know if she identifies herself as a she? Or likewise for a ‘he’. A ‘they’ bridges that gap and stays neutral and respectful.
Unisex bathrooms. They was a hue and cry in many parts of the United States when a popular retailer decided to have gender neutral bathrooms in some of their stores. While one section supported the stance of equality, the other was concerned about safety of females. Who said females and kids can be safe in a female bathroom? Or a male cannot be abused?
Love is love. The choice to choose a life partner and that marriage is marriage. It’s a belief and not that a man has to be a husband and the woman has to be a wife. Two males or two females can make a couple and they can have kids. They can both be fathers or mothers. It’s their choice. To those who argue that God created Adam and Eve, I would say that He also brought Steve in the world.
Theybies. A small section of parents in the United States have decided to not disclose the gender of their children. They are raising their kids with dolls and trucks. With pinks and blues and with rainbow colors. They are letting kids play and learn without letting them know if they are a boy or a girl. There is no room for gender stereotypes. These parents have decided to let their kids decide their gender when they grow up. It’s a decision that these kids will make when they grow up. I see that as a hard choice in a world that is binary. Where nurses are females and astronauts are males. But there should be a right to choose gender and what one identifies with without the world deciding it for an individual. Read more here on NBC News.
What I love about this century is that we are ready to change and accept differences. People are now expressing their choices and doing what they want without conforming to the so-called rules of the society. There are people who don’t shy away from sharing their sexual preferences or those who think marriage is not for them. Remaining child-free is a choice over fate.
With all that is changing, there is also a section that thinks differently about these choices. There is no wrong or right here. The only right is the right to choose. A partner, sexual preference, marriage or gender. What can be better is our acceptance towards the diversity around us. If we can be inclusive, open and respectful towards the choices others make, we will make our world a better place.
This post is Monday Musings. What are you thinking today?
happiness and food 
I am amazed at the cocpet of bringing up kids without disclosing their gender on them. I wonder how do they fare – what would their thoughts be like? What kind of school/community environment do they live in as others could easily influence this by their questions. What do they name their children?
I am most curious and perplexed by the concept- shall read up on this if I can find some links.
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Check the news that i shared. Parents use gender neutral names. I read a few like Zo, Sasha etc. Since parents are trying, I’m sure it is possible but agree that not an easy thing in the society.
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Bold post parul and too many thoughts provoking us to challenge the mindsets; which we are part of the society that conforms to roles which we have not chosen but have adapted it as we have grown without questioning anything right from the choice of what to wear, eat, and how to behave and choose careers. In this context these thoughts definitely does not give comfort as we are so conditioned too… the standards set.. it took a lot of time for me to understand sexual orientation and its implications – if this was spoken to me a decade ago, I would have fallen fall from my chair:) with shock….. today I respect these perspectives and feel better equipped to deal with students who struggle to cope with these thoughts and feelings. A lot is changing around us globally and it will still take a lot of time evolve and learn to accept and respect people who are different from us without being judgmental and questioning personal choices. Thank you for sharing your learnings:)
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Thanks for that interesting piece of news on theybies … let the kids decide… in our country wherein birth of a boy is still celebrated and girls discriminated and a lot more of issues in terms of gender equality….. it will take years to come up to make these choices in letting kids choose… i personally feel very challenging subject to deal in our context… where religion, traditions, culture are so much part of us… it is not going to be easy to bring in this concept…we are still struggling for 33 percent reservation 🙂 🙂 I couldn’t resist after reading the news to comment again:)
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Many new terms that I learned from your post, Parul. I am strongly for equality for all whether it is LGBTQ or heterosexual folks. When I was growing up, there was hardly any talk around homosexuality and I used to feel a bit icky about it .But as I read more I became more aware and mature in my thinking. Thank you for sharing this
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I hadn’t heard of theybies before. I think that is a fabulous idea. We should let children decide their gender; and the colors they like and the toys they enjoy without labelling them as “for girls” or “for boys”. Same goes for a lot of other things. I really think it’s best to expose children to a variety of ideas and allow them to choose what they resonate most with.
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I didn’t know a few of these terms. Excellent post Parul, broadens ones view of the world. I am really curious about Theybies. It is an interesting concept but I wonder how long they would wait before a child realizes he is one of the three genders.
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The world is expanding, terms and definitions are being questioned, redefined! And through this we are learning, growing, I think sex and gender are two different things. Sex is what you are born with, that is biologically what organs we have. But gender is something we identify with and that is where we have people identify as LGBT and more (I recently saw an interview with two people who identified as agender/ and gender queer) We live in such a small cube and there is a whole world that feels differently, lives differently. And we need to be inclusive. We might not understand but we need to accept.
Interesting doc if you want to watch – https://www.cbsnews.com/video/gender-the-space-between/
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What a wonderful post on gender and what it means to be who you are. Like the others have said, theybies is such an interesting concept – gender is pretty much for the kids growing up to decide, and decide what they are comfortable with. At the end of the day it really is about choice, a choice to express ourselves and make sense of who we are in our own way. Growing up I was always given pink to wear and Barbie dolls to play with…and though I liked pink, I didn’t really like Barbie dolls, I wondered why these were given to me and I ended up taking away some of my brother’s toy cars to play with 🙂 ‘The only right is the right to choose.’ You summed it up so well. So well said and thank you for writing and discussing this topic so honestly and openly.
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Love this post! It is great that in this day and age the majority of folk out there are more accepting of everyone’s personal choice in identifying themselves!
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Thank you Ritu! I have seen acceptance but I won’t deny I have seen people who criticize too.
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