Things I have left behind..
You and I have left behind a lot of things as we moved ahead in life. It is the natural order and while I do not regret the small changes in my life, I see the many memories made and feelings and patterns emerging out of the days gone by. The ones that do not find a trace in my life of today. Sealed in an envelope of the past and stamped with time, they have been packed and dispatched.
Mannerisms that I left behind
As I spilled a cup of milk while making rice pudding this evening, I remember how I was the most clumsy one at home. I was warned many times to not step into the kitchen. Unknowingly, I would drop things or while opening a box with a slight twist, the jar would come crashing on the floor. Anywhere close in the vicinity and I was told to sit quietly and watch. Moving around however cautiously, never worked.
Life that I left behind
I was seventeen when I left home. Away from my parents, I stepped out to make a career and do all that my seventeen-year-old mind and heart had thought for a bright future. Coming from a small city, scared about a lot of things around, and always hoping that nothing goes wrong, it was the independent life. A life that I had thought of. Hostel, friends and Indian roadways and railways to travel back home for festivals and semester breaks. Those days of queuing up and filling forms to get a berth on the train.
Friends who I left behind
I have always liked meeting new people. But I still have the same close ones I had then. I can’t get close to new people or maybe they can’t get close to me. So, the set of friends never expanded. I guess I have one from each phase of life. No more or less. I met many wonderful people over years who made a lot of difference to my life by their presence. Those smiles, the endless chatter or opening up of hearts seems like an old melody today. They moved on and I moved on. I miss them and I always wonder why I could not hold on to them.
Food that I left behind
I changed as my food changed. From all the cities where I have lived, today the menu at home comprises many things. From paneer to dosas, from sabudana khichdi to poha, it’s all but different from the food I had when I was growing up. There are no kebabs, no fish curries and no pooris with mutton curry. The Mughlai paratha lost its way and the cheese egg sandwich found a home. Drinking water from the glass seems like an effort today. The leftover daal is now kneaded but rarely stuffed. I left behind more than I thought I ever would.
Roads that I left behind
When I was sixteen, I met with an accident. There were no mobile phones but people in the area knew who I was. I was quickly taken home and given the first aid. Today, I carry my business card and save phone numbers for no one would know who am I, if I ever collapsed even near my office. There is no colony and no next-door neighbors in the real sense. With multiple shortcuts and one ways, there is no one road that leads to Papa’s college.
The person I left behind
Fighting and arguing my point but I still a bit jittery about the approach. I still say Yes when I want to say No. I speak my mind more now than before and I have an opinion, almost always. My dreams are still guarded and not shared even with the closest ones around. Fighting for myself remains a challenge till date but parts of the process have improved. I have left behind more than I can think of and admit to.
As I sip my ginger tea and pen my thoughts, I can’t remember from where this love for well-brewed ginger tea came. My parents have been tea lovers for long but I wasn’t the one longing for a cup two times a day. I remember making that one cup in the morning when I used to get up to study. Highlighting and making notes on the book, a hot cup of tea ensured I don’t doze off. Ginger was for winters and not all the year round.
I have left behind over three decades of life. Moving a handful of cities and meeting many new people, I feel having lived as I had never thought of. I never thought of cycling to Yoga or getting married, having a blog and letting go the dream of designing a VLSI chip or calling Bangalore my home and clarifying where my parents live.
That rice pudding I was making just got burnt while I was typing this and somethings never change.
Still, many things that I have left behind.
Writing for the The Daily Post, Discover Challenge.